When I think of 40th birthdays I can’t help but remember my father’s. It included a surprise parade through our then neighborhood, Suntree. Complete with fire truck, my brother’s marching high school band, and convertibles. My father in Mickey Mouse ears led the parade to the party awaiting him at a friend’s house down the street. There were crowds of people and I’m sure the neighbors joined too. I was probably six at the time. This seemed extraordinary to me and I’m still impressed that my mom pulled off the parade and party while keeping it all a surprise. We celebrate milestones in my family. Well, we celebrate everything in my family, but life is short so why not?
My sister’s 40th birthday we spent hiking the Grand Canyon from rim to rim. It was what she wanted so we trekked with her, and I must say it was an amazing adventure and one I will always be grateful to have shared with her. So now as I contemplate my own rite of passage into my fortieth year I look at it a bit differently. When my father turned forty there was a lot of “over the hill” jokes. Forty was considered half way through life, but people are living longer and looking better while doing it these days. We expect a lot more life out of ourselves. I’ve a child under two I certainly don’t think I’m half way through my life. Is that why they say, “40 is the new30?” Or is it just us approaching 40 that say that?
40 is the age I can finally justify wearing diamonds. I’m old enough, according to Holly Golightly, and now that I’m here I’d rather spend my money on travels and experiences for my family. Of all the memories I have it’s the time spent with people and traveling to new places (and old favorites) that I remember the most. Maybe I was a little bit yogi before I ever stepped onto a mat because I’ve always enjoyed the party even more than the gifts. Don’t get me wrong I’ve received some incredible presents along the way, ones I treasure still, but when I remember my Strawberry Shortcake birthday party it’s not the gifts I recall. It was the amazing day my mother created. (She’s a fabulous party planner, by the way.) And having my friends over to share in the celebration. I’m sure if you asked my five-year-old self presents would have ranked high, but through time the trinkets fade and what remains are the people. I’ve had a lot of fantastic birthday celebrations in my life. From intimate affairs to end of school/birthday parties, June 2 always coincided with the end of school so double reason to celebrate. I also had parents who were willing to throw the parties. I learned from the best, my brother and sister also have the gift of the perfect party.
This year however, will be a quieter affair. My friends and family are spread across the country and up until this week we weren’t even sure we’d be in AZ next year. Life is full of interesting moments and twists. This year as I cross into my 40th year I’ll be celebrating intimately with my husband and children. There will not be a parade through our neighborhood nor will there be a grand trek. Rather I will enjoy a solid yoga class, and a breath of time to reflect on what an amazing forty years it has been, then dinner out with my hubby.
As I think about the first forty years of my life I count myself very blessed. I’ve had an incredible journey that has allowed me time to travel and experience this country and others. I’ve had time to take a leap as an actress and a writer, live in NYC and truly relish city living. I’ve had more spectacular meals than a yogi should, nope still not a vegetarian-though I tried it for a month. I’ve danced on tabletops and bars from Palm Beach to Beijing. Auditioned for Rent knowing, full well, I am not a singer. Graduated with an MFA in fiction, because it’s really marketable, and met some amazing writers and friends while I was there. I’ve had time to laugh and share so many spectacular moments with friends from every stage of my life. From preteen sleep-overs and late night chats to drinking and dancing nights, to college everything, 200 Bowery, NYC dinner parties with friends. What can I say, but cheers to my loved ones!
I’ve had time to write some horrible short stories, some not so bad, a melodramatic screenplay, a novel, a second novel, and yes, a third is percolating. Now if only I were a better marketer. Alas, I’ve had time to fall in love a few times, but none could ever measure-up to that one time on the fourth of July, as fireworks soared, so did my heart. I’ve been blessed to marry the man of my dreams and to share the last 12 years of my journey with him, what a gift to have a partner in life, a partner enabler, a person who understands “yes and,” I can’t wait to see where the next steps take us!
It is because of him that I’ve had the greatest gift of all, time to be with my children. To me this makes me very lucky, not every moment is perfect, many are far from it, but usually there are perfect moments within each day. These moments mean far more than the diamonds I thought I’d be buying at 40. My perspective has changed. My goals have been reevaluated. Yoga has taught me a bit about myself. I used to be much more strained on the mat. I had to push myself into a pose, force twists farther, drive myself as far as I could into each asana. However, now I’m ever so slightly kinder to my body. I listen when there are days that I need more rest rather than an aggressive practice. I push when it feels good to do so. I’d like to think some of that has worked its way into my life. I try to let the stressful moments wash over and away. I try to let go of what keeps me inflexible, though it’s difficult. I try to enjoy the little moments because they are the big ones, and they occur every day. Those are the little success that have led to a life well lived. I can’t claim a huge successful career after 40 years (though there’s still time), but I think it’s been a successful life. There is love, there is family, there are amazing experiences and I haven’t seen a gray hair yet.
